Girl Singer...

Last night we had the pleasure of attending the final cabaret performance of the Midwest Cabaret Conference Workshop at Davenports. Our dear friend Judy was a participant in this three day cabaret intensive workshop that culminated in this final performance for the fifteen participants. It was a great opportunity for those that have the desire to develop their performance skills in a cabaret setting and to work with cabaret and Broadway professionals, receiving feedback both great and brutally honest. Judy has really found a new path for herself in this genre. She looked so comfortable in this setting and has never sounded better! I'm so proud and happy for her and I can't wait to see where this takes her.
Judy was the first to perform in what turned out to be about an hour show. Some of the song choices for some of these singers was baffling and some were spot on, but as I sat there listening to the others (which at times was difficult) I kept asking myself, why am I not singing anymore? I have many friends, Judy included, who question the fact that I have not sung in many years. What is my deal anyway? It's hard for me to explain, honestly.
The other day, I was going through a bunch of old cassette tapes that I had found,  many of them unmarked. What I found were some gems! In the bunch were tapes my mother had made of me singing at weddings, or of shows that I had been in where she sat in the audience with a tape recording in her lap. That was my mom! She was incredibly proud of everything I did and wanted to preserve my performances and my singing for her to listen to in the future, which she did. Two of the tapes were rehearsal tapes that I recorded during vocal rehearsals for Dear World and for Penny Serenade and a couple other shows. I would record my part, as many performers now do on digital recorders, so I could rehearse with them at home or in the car. As I pushed play on the boom box I was allowed to hear not only myself but to hear my two mentors, Steven Billig and Etel Billig banter back and forth and tease each other and me during rehearsal. Etel was in the office when Jon wanted to begin working on another song, so hearing Jon yell for Etel brought back so many moments that occurred during my years at the theater. I sat and listened to myself as I teased back with them, as I sang with them and as we all laughed together. It dawned on me...I was happy then. You could hear it in my voice. I was happy. Those people, that moment, those years, that time, the various shows...made me so happy. Don't get me wrong - it's not that I wasn't a happy person in general, I was...for the most part. Anyone that truly knows me, knows that my greatest and most rewarding accomplishment is and always will be my children, the ones I birthed AND the ones I raised. But hearing those tapes reminded me that I am missing a big part of who I am. I can't really say that it was this thing or that thing that caused me to "lose my voice," but it has been a choice. Hearing those tapes and watching my dear friend so happy has made me think...I need to revisit this part of my life and see where the journey takes me. Baby steps but steps do indeed need to be taken.