I've lost my voice but not my dreams...

I've been super sick with whatever bronchial thing has been going around. I struggled with it about 3 weeks ago and even ended up going to the CVS Minute Clinic to get some antibiotics. I got so involved with and exhausted by the rehearsal process for Annie Jr. at O'Bannon Elementary that I think "it" saw the perfect opportunity to come back and come back it did. I've had a tough time breathing and I barely have a voice. Ugh, it has been so depressing.

I'm finished with the show and now I have more time on my hands to figure out what my next steps are. People have told me that they think it's going to happen for me when I won't be looking for it. I'm hoping they are right. I had a weird dream last night that the board at American Girl voted to bring back the theaters and many of us were hired back. It was such a real and yet terribly weird dream. I remember waking up thinking that it had actually happened. While I would LOVE for something like that to occur, it would most certainly not be the same kind of experience no matter how hard we tried. I loved my job during those years - that kind of job only comes along once in your life. It is going to be hard to find anything that measures up to that experience. But, dreams are dreams and I need to remember that I have new dreams to make.

but for now...I just want some ice cream.

Day of Reflection...

So today seemed to be a day that made us think of our parents quite a bit. We're not sure why but as we were driving along, something would spark a memory and one or both of us would suddenly find out eyes welling up with tears. We're both struggling emotionally and have been for some time. I keep wondering when we will get past this - if ever. Sally was crying because she was hell bent on getting the kitchen dishes cleaned up from the cooking extravaganza from yesterday. All the cleaning of the kitchen reminded her of her mother and the standards her mother instilled in her to get the dishes washed and the kitchen cleaned as soon as possible. It made her miss her mom. She kept thinking how happy her mom would be to know that she has friends who love her and a home she loves and family who adore and love her. It was so important to her that her mom got that. I hope, for Sally's sake that she did.
By the way - dinner was wonderful, the conversation was fun and the company was just lovely. How wonderful to have such dear friends that are willing to leave their comfort zone and come up to the city and spend an evening together. We are lucky people indeed. OH, also I made, for the first time, chocolate crepes with raspberry sauce! Here's the fun part - I put the raspberries in the blender, as directed on the recipe and proceeded to puree them. The instructions were to then pour them in the bowl that contained the corn starch and sugar and mix. As I began to pour, it dribbled off the side of the container and onto the side of the counter. Oops! So, I took it back over to the blender to see if I had loosened the bottom of the blender and that was why it was leaking. Instead what I did was to detach the bottom from the glass container and the raspberry sauce spilled all over the counter! It looked like someone had committed a murder on my kitchen counter! Good thing Susan and Sally was there to salvage what we could of the raspberry sauce - but what a mess it made! It didn't deter me from moving forward with this dessert - so onto the crepes I went, timidly, but determined! I'm so glad I did because they were delicious AND crepes were not as difficult to make as I feared.
Anyway, I digress. I couldn't help today to think about get togethers that my parents might have had with friends. I have little memory of visitors in our home - it was mostly relatives. We enjoy entertaining, I wonder if my parents did.

forever friends...

I'm cleaning the apartment today to prepare for our friends Ken and Susan Bobos coming over for dinner. I'm cooking my new speciality - the chicken and pasta with sun-dried tomatoes - brussel sprouts - mozzarella and tomato and basil on skewers - zucchini parmesan bites - and then I'm going to attempt chocolate crepes with raspberry sauce - what???? It should be a lovely evening, its been a while since they've been up here. Ken's mother passed away last week so I think he needs a diversion. I ended up not being able to go to the wake and funeral because of my sickies. I was out of commission for a while.
Preparing for their arrival is a reminder of how many years we have been friends. I've known Susan since 1981 when we were in a production of Brigadoon together at Main Square park in Highland, IN. I've known Ken since high school and I had a huge crush on him. He ended up marrying my church friend Nancy - but as fate would have it, he eventually ended up with my dear friend Susan after his divorce. She had been divorced for many years. We went through a time period of being separated for whatever reasons but that doesn't matter anymore. We are life-long friends and will always have each others back - no matter what. They are a special couple and no matter how many weeks pass that we aren't in touch, we pick up our conversations as if we just talked an hour ago. They love us and accept us and want to spend time with us. No judgement. You can't ask for better friends than that. I love them both dearly and I'm looking forward to a lively evening of laughter, discussions about people who piss us off and much, much love. Now...back to vacuuming and dusting...

The 84th Annual Oscars!

So last night was the Oscars - the night we wait for all year to see beautiful people, telling beautiful people that they are beautiful and then bestowing awards on them for acting and directing or creating films that make them all look rather ordinary. I love the Oscars. Say what you will about them but to me they are a diversion from the everyday, just like the movies and they allow us ordinary people a moment to revel in their beautiful story telling...or not so beautiful (but those aren't usually recognized)
I thought Billy Crystal was very good and they could go the way of the years of Bob Hope and Johnny Carson and just stick with him for the remainder of his life and I'd be okay with that. Unless he turns into Kirk Douglas and doesn't know when to get off the stage and they have to cut to commercial - then never mind.
I was fortunate enough to see most of the movies nominated so I had what I thought was a smart opinion of the work. Albert Nobbs was meh - The Help was good - Iron Lady was, well Meryl was magnificent - The Artist was just that, artistic and lovely - Moneyball was showing us the side of baseball we don't get to see and I love a good baseball movie. I have not seen War Horse or Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close but I will.
But here's the thing that struck me the most - the producers of the telecast were obviously going with a more classic feel to the show. Everything had a reverence to it - an homage to the golden era of Hollywood. Billy Crystal was not too much and wasn't too little. The memoriam was classy and beautiful and oh so touching. I always tear up at the memoriam. So basically, I thought it was a classy presentation - as it should be. Let's put aside our snide comments for one night and enjoy Hollywood in all it's glamour and glitz, just as God intended - at least that's what he said on Twitter.

Beginning Anew

I love writing about things that happened in my life. I've been told that I've lived a lot of different lives and that statement came to me the other day as I was driving. I don't know what, but it did. I dawned on me that there have been a lot of chapters in my life but it is that way for everyone. We all move from one story to another and then another and another...and I need to record all of mine!

Last year was a tough year as I stepped down from my theater educator / director job to take care of my mother as she entered into the last weeks of her life. I've written a lot about my mom on here. She occupied a lot of my life, my thoughts, my days. I loved her very much - although I fear that she never really knew how much I did love her. She drove me crazy and made me laugh all at the same time. Mom entered the hospital at the end of May and never came home. She entered Hospice in July and passed away on August 19th. The night before, I left the nursing home not really knowing that this was it. I remember this same thing happened with Dad. We just don't realize that they are already making their journey. I would've hugged her a little longer and tighter and told her many more times how much I loved her. If we could only know - would we take those opportunities?

This week, my high school friends and I have experienced the loss of a very colorful classmate - Steve Glover, who suffered a massive heart attack and died. We are saddened and shocked by this loss but it again reminded me that we need to make every moment count. Our loved ones are just that - our loved ones. They may not always be lovable, but no one always is, but that should never keep us from making sure that we take the time to make sure those in our lives are aware that they are important to us.

I'm trying to get a grip on my sorrow and celebrate my parents and our family instead of spending my days crying about being an orphan. I'm writing a play about a time in my life and recalling moments with my parents and my brother is both heartwarming and difficult because you can never get those times back. But that's okay - I just hope that my children have the same fond memories of their childhood and their time with me as I have with my parents.

The tale of a mother and her dentures...

I just went to help my mother at the dentist. She wants to get new dentures. There are many things a good daughter must endure in this life, and one of them is the aging parent, but did I ever think it would include this adventure in denture world? I did not. Silly me. I have been through lung cancer with my father, which at one point he had a huge sore (sorry, it's gross - I know) on his tail bone and as he sat on the toilet I had to put some numbing creme on it for him. He said that this is one of those moments he never thought he ever have to ask me to help him with - I said, "neither did I Dad, but ya gotta do what ya gotta do..."

So now we are at the dentists with Mother while he gropes inside her mouth as I stand and watch. He talks about how her gums have this strange dent in them on the lower front to which she explains that when she had her extractions, they took out some of the bone so they could make her dentures fit better. My mind wonders why they just didn't make the dentures fit to the mouth the way it was? I don't know - I'm just sayin... At any rate, he says that we can go to this other dentist (with a huge specialty title type of name of which I've never heard) and we can pay him upwards of $4 to $5,000 dollars to make it all right! Seriously dude - she's 84, almost 85! Who the hell has that kind of money for freakin dentures???

So then we determine that maybe that since the uppers don't really bother her that much that we look into just getting new lower dentures - which he announces will cost around $1,100 if we go with him. I tell him that she and I will talk about it and make a decision. As we wheel out of there shaking our heads at the cost for lower plate dentures - she says that when she got her current pair 10 YEARS AGO, they were $800 for both sets. "That was ten years ago mother, I'm sure costs have gone up since then..."

"well I can't imagine that they've gone up that much..."

"I can't imagine that they haven't mom, it's been ten years..."

"I'd really like to check back with that lab I went to in Lansing..."

"okay, why don't you call them..."

"I don't know if I have their number..."

"Look it up on line..."

"oh, you can do that...?"

silence

"I think I have an old phone book"

"okay - use that then..."

"that's a lot of money"

"yes, it is, but if it makes things better for you....just give the one in Lansing a call."

"that would be a long way for you to take me.."

"mom, its not like I never go out that way"

"well..."

"I'll talk to you later..."

I've included some lovely photos of the flowers that are in my backyard this summer. I don't spend enough time out there and I should. Especially after conversations or visits with my Mom. I need reminders of the beauty of summer and how much we take things for granted. Even mothers and their dentures....

A long time...

I haven't been on here for quite some time as I've been pretty busy in my fairly new job of six months. I am currently working for a small regional theater as their Director of Education. I just completed three weeks of Summer Kids Camp where we rehearsed and eventually performed Seussical Jr. with twenty-two amazingly talented young performers! I had an amazing team of people to make this happen and can't wait to work with them again.

So, life lately....hmmm, where do I begin. It's been a whirlwind of job, mother, children, dogs and cats and wedding. Erin is getting married next month and the festivities have already begun! We went to Brooklyn mid-July to assist Megan in throwing a fabulous shower for Erin at her apartment. It was a lovely day and she received many wonderful gifts. It was a quick trip but enjoyable. Now we are preparing for a shower here in Chicago. Another crazy, wacky weekend of family and friends. I'm a lucky woman.

Last week we had a very sad thing happen to our family. My grand-dog Hudson went to visit my Dad in heaven. It happened on the same day that my father passed away which made it even harder. Megan and Chris left the city and the state to grieve and get away from the house where Hudson ruled. I will miss our boy very much, but we all know that he'll have more fun with Snickers and Chloe and Patches and Taffy and Grandpa in heaven. Even typing this I'm having a hard time keeping it together.

Well, I best end for now - I have to attempt to draw a turtle for a meeting tomorrow!