Weird :(

Oh boy...it's getting close to the time when I won't be getting anymore severance pay. This is a scary time for me. I don't know if it's the holiday season or the fact that my mom has been in the hospital for the past month and couldn't come home for Christmas, but I've just been so sad. 

In spite of everything swirling around me - Christmas was lovely. Erin and Hunter drove home and spent the holiday with us. They stayed at Chris and Megan's house. Doug continued his quest to hump everything in sight by trying to hump Hudson constantly. Again, what is a gramma to do? We had a lovely Christmas Eve where Erin wowed us again with her culinary skills and then we started cooking our Christmas dinner. Chris was officially in charge of the dinner and he did himself proud. The meal was amazing - the turkey was tasty and the dressing - shut up about the dressing! It rocked!

Speaking of rocked - Erin and Meg and I formed a rock band and we discovered that we are AWESOME at the Xbox Rock Band. I was amazing on the drums - Erin on vocals and Megan on guitar. Most of the songs we had never heard but dang we were good! I surprised everyone with my drumming skills. Little did they know that as a kid I wanted to be a drummer so bad and I was pretty good then. My parents had bought me a small drum set that I played often and honed my drumming skills on. My friends and I formed a "band" if you want to call it that. We wrote songs and called ourselves, The Compositions. You know - after the black and white notebook. Weird right? The strange thing is that no one played the guitar - they just strummed it so that it sounded like they were playing it - AND someone played the tamborine. Oh, I also played a mean tamborine. Anyway - here we were on Christmas having a ball being a rock band. The name we came up with was...Tonipail. There is a story behind that. My mom has been in the hospital for a month. She ended up having a lung biopsy because she wasn't getting over her pneumonia and they couldn't figure out what was going on. So, after ICU she went to rehab where they finally washed her hair and they pulled it into a little ponytail in the back. A new look for her because she is always going to the beauty shop to get her hair into what the girls call her "gramma 'fro" She looked really cute! Since this was like her second day in rehab, her speaking was rough and she wasn't thinking clearly. She says to me,

"they put my hair in a tonipail...wait, that's not right - hold on...a tonipail! 

No! - (deep heavy sigh) - wait - a TONIPAIL!"

We giggle together here at her inability to say ponytail.

"okay - hold on....pause....pause - deep breath - "Tonipail"

When I told the girls this story we laughed and laughed. I'll remind gramma when she is feeling like laughing at herself. But we couldn't resist naming our rock band Tonipail. Sort of a homage to my mother - sort of.

So - here I am, still unemployed but working on my resume and getting up the nerve to begin sending it out. It's just so weird that I'm having to do this. I stupidly thought I would retire in my previous position or at least with the company. It's weird to be 51 years old and having to start over again - it's weird. 

Mom is coming home from the hospital on Wednesday. She'll be bringing an oxygen tank with her and will have to be on it all the time now. It's weird. She will bring with her a whole new routine and a bunch more medicine. We went and cleaned her apartment tonight - no easy feat, mind you. But now she will have a comfortable home to move around in. Our routines are going to have to change. We discussed how we're going to have to take over her bills - her grocery shopping - all of that. Cleaning her apartment more often will become a part of our routine. So, while I'm whining about how weird it is for me to adjust to not having a job and how much my life sucks - I can only imagine how weird it is for her to realize how different things are going to be for her now. When I put my weird up against her weird - I think her weird has got my weird beat. I just pray that she doesn't let her weird get her down as much as I do. Otherwise we're going to be two sad weirdos.

Adventurous!

Yes, being unemployed can be adventurous at times - most times. Not having a job offers me the opportunity to say, "hey, lets go see at movie on a Monday night" because God knows I don't have to get up in the morning for work or anything...unless mother has a Dr. appointment.

So - off to the movie theater we go to take in what we hope will be a hilarious romp, "Zack and Mirie Make a Porno" - or something like that. Mostly, I was looking forward to the big bag 'o popcorn, butter in the middle please. Which leads me to another topic - why is it so difficult to do your job as popcorn girl or boy and put the butter in the middle and then more on the top? Am I asking you to melt the butter for me? No - that is provided for you. Am I asking you to do anything that is so taxing that your arms may fall off at any moment? NO - I'm asking you to put the stinkin butter that I request on my damn popcorn! That's all. Your job - for which they pay you - is to put the popcorn in the bag and enjoy doing it AND put the butter on my popcorn - as much as I want - because you know what? I'M THE CUSTOMER!!! This is coming from someone who has never done this job, but I have made and sold taco's. Seriously, how hard is it to do this AND to look at me when I'm telling you what I want? Even going to the movie theater is an adventure anymore isn't it?

Anyway - I digress, enough old lady rants for now. So into the movie we go with our reluctantly given popcorn - a box of raisinettes and the much needed soda's. I'm trying to drink more water - but soda is needed with popcorn. Luckily on a Monday there is nary a person in the theater so we park our butts in a row where we won't be behind or in front of everyone. However, we have this problem in theaters that no matter where we sit - everyone comes and sits around us. There could be seats EVERYWHERE ELSE in the theater, but no - they have to sit right in front of us - next to us - right behind us kicking my seat (always my seat - I'm cursed). Maybe there is some weird energy we're giving off - kind of like the same energy that attracts all of the crazy's in the city of Chicago.

We enjoy the coming attractions trailers - which are sometimes much more entertaining than the movie themselves. Our high hopes for a "40 Year old Virgin" type comedy are quickly dashed within the first hour. It did have some moments that made me chortle - but for the most part I just thought - "eh". 

As we depart the theater we discuss our likes and dislikes and reminisce that the last movie we all saw together was "Tropic Thunder" - of which we had problems with as well. Although Robert Downey Jr. was amazing. Nice career comeback. We proceed through the lobby and take note of the posters announcing all the upcoming holiday films. Some interesting stuff - Australia - Curious Case of Benjamin Button - and then a film I can't recall but the big cardboard cutout was AWESOME! Of course we had to take a picture - cuz the iPhone takes great pictures and allows you to become an photo artist! Nah - my daughter is the pro in that area. 

I've posted the picture of Johnny with the cardboard cut-out. Exciting and real looking isn't it? I love it! Maybe this will be a new artist outlet for me. Taking pictures of friends with movie cardboard cut-outs. Hmmmm. There is a new gallery I was just in recently that might hang my genius type work. 

See - yet another new potential adventure for me. All because I'm unemployed. (insert evil laugh here)

Refreshing

There have been a few moments these past few weeks when I am actually okay with being unemployed. For instance, if I was "working" right now, I probably wouldn't have been able to take the weekend to go to New York City to experience my daughter Megan run and finish the New York City Marathon. I'd probably be getting ready to open the Holiday show at American Girl. 

What a wonderful day it was for us. To be able to see your child achieve such a huge goal is exciting and wonderful and I could not be prouder of her. Sure, she has run the Chicago Marathon twice - I was equally as proud, but this was New York! She got in the first time she tried - a big accomplishment.

We all stayed at Erin and Hunter's apartment in the Williamsburg neighborhood of Brooklyn. What a great neighborhood to live in. They have a wonderful place that they have worked hard on decorating and they were excited to show us what they had done. We were all quite impressed. 

Megan and Chris had stayed in mid-town the night before so that she would be able to catch the bus to the starting point so we didn't see them in the morning before the race. Erin made coffee and we all started to get ready to walk up the street and stand at the curb so we could see her run by. We stood at Bedford and 3rd on the corner - watching and waiting for her to come by so we could cheer her on. Suddenly, the actor Ryan Reynolds and his entourage ran by - "RYAN!", yelled Erin, "WHOO - GO RYAN!" He waved at Erin. 

"Ryan Reynolds waved at me - we're having drinks next week." says Erin. 

My cell phone rings - it's MEGAN, calling as she runs! She wants to know where we are standing - I tell her and as I try to continue talking to her (what was I thinking - she didn't want to carry on a conversation at that time.) she hangs up.

The phone rings again - "I'm just turning onto Bedford" 

"OK", I yell into the phone, how are you?...she's gone again.

We are standing at around mile 10 - email updates are coming up on my cell phone to tell me how her pace is, we think she should be here anytime. Our eyes are scanning the sea of runners for a girl in a kelly green long sleeve shirt. Way to0 many girls wearing kelly green.

In the meantime, a friend of Erin and Hunters comes by with his dog - Riley - who Doug proceeds to try and hump...it's a puppy Doug! Have you no shame! They pull Riley away and Doug continues to air hump - a proud moment for this grandma.

We keep scanning and looking - big waves of people come and go - suddenly - THERE SHE IS! YEA - HOORAY! YEAH MEGAN! 

She stops by us and takes off her vest and hands it to me - puts away her phone and readjusts everything she's wearing and then she is gone! Back out into the sea of people she goes - my little girl. My little one that took her time deciding to walk and talk is running in one of the worlds most prestigious races in the world! I get all teary eyed as I watch her go. Is it possibly to be so proud that you feel you are going to just break down and have the biggest cry you've ever had? I was overwhelmed with pride for my girl. What an amazing young woman she has become - and not just for running a race. She is amazing for so many reasons. She is smart and beautiful - she loves her mom and her momma knows it - she loves her family - she has a smart and good man in her life - she is successful - she is driven - she can be crabby and funny at the same time - she is hilarious and I'm pretty sure she has a killer belt voice that we'll probably never hear - she's accomplished in so many things - she's a great photographer - and a wonderful, caring human being. How is this amazing person my child? I don't know, but I am so happy she is. 

Off we went back to Erin and Hunters where Erin prepared for us a scrumptious brunch. THAT is another thing - Erin is a great cook and a wonderful host! The meal was amazing! The cauliflower frittata - delicious. The onion, rosemary and leek flatbread - shut up about it! Everything was wonderful. Erin created such a wonderful atmosphere for us to celebrate Megan and for her to come back to after her triumphant finish. My girls - my world - my life. Two incredible women that each bring something completely different to me and to our family. I wouldn't wish anything better for either of them. They are happy and loved and what more could a mother ask for? 

So, while being unemployed can be refreshing - it can also be rewarding. I am rewarded daily by the reminder that I have two of the most brilliantly talented daughters in the world. They're the reason I go on - the reason I make the choices I do - my reason for everything. I love and adore them more and more each day. 

Congratulations Megan - you did it! You never have to do it again if you don't want to. 

Congratulations Erin - you made a wonderful weekend for your family - we are grateful and proud of you and we are so looking forward to your wedding to Hunter. 

Congratulations Mr. Hayes and Hunter for choosing my girls - you have two of the finest women at your side. You are lucky men indeed and we are lucky to have the two of you.

One big event down - next, the wedding of the year! Gotta go to the gym to get ready for a different type of marathon!

Crazy!

Why is it all the crazy's in Chicago seem to find me and sit next to me? Is there a sign on me somewhere that waves at them as they enter where I am that says, "hey crazy - yes, you - over here! Sit down!" There must be, because they find me every single time. 

Today as I was sitting in the Andersonville Starbucks hoping to get some work done for the show I'm directing - here comes one! Yep, and she plopped herself down right next to me. I knew it the minute she walked in. She never bought anything - they never do. Why do the Starbucks employees let them get away with that...(is that heartless? It is isn't it?) I guess I wouldn't mind it so much if she hadn't smelled of sour milk and if she hadn't been talking gibberish to herself and if she hadn't been gesturing at something or someone the entire time...okay, I minded it. The smell was really gross. I know she couldn't help it - or could she? What happens to people to make them this way? Did she do a lot of drugs and her brain is fried? Does she have an alcohol problem? Who knows - but here she sat. There seems to be a lot more of them in the neighborhood. I'm thinking that maybe someone is busing them in and dropping them off and then picking them all up later. Just to mess with us. 

Then, I have to think - oh for the grace of God go I. The fear of becoming homeless is real in todays world. I think it's a fear that everyone has at some time or another. People fall on hard times and something causes them to have to make the choice to live this way. I'm so fortunate that my Megan just bought a big beautiful house with her boyfriend Chris - because if this happens to me, I'm moving in. According to my mother they have this house so I'll have somewhere to live when I get old. I'm sure Mr. Hayes loved hearing that!

But, maybe this woman lost her job...in theater...at a retail store...that she worked at for ten years...crap, I'm doomed. I'm going to go take a shower.

Annoying!

Oh my Lord! Could today have been more annoying? I had goals today - goals to get some stuff done around the house, since I am unemployed as we all know. Cleaning, vacuuming, dusting. I have grand plans to start cleaning closets and the office and to redo the bedroom. Whew - lofty plans, I know. THEN - the phone rings and it's my mothers physical therapist calling to talk to me about whether or not I give my permission for my mother to have one of those motorized chairs. You know, one of those chairs you see old people in at Disney World because they are too fat to walk around the Disney parks. Which in another thing that truly annoys me! So, now they want my permission for my mother to become one of those people. Okay - I get it. Her legs aren't working right - she wants to go outside but can't because she can't walk very far with her walker - she wants to walk the neighborhood with her friend Joanne (who has two good legs mind you) and she wants to be able to go to the crappy Dominicks at the corner of Foster and Sheridan (I don't know why anyone with a brain would go in there, but hey who am I). 

So - we talk about my reservations with her having this chair - which are that I am nervous that she won't get ANY exercise at all because she'll find every excuse to not walk anymore - and she'll go out by herself into a neighborhood that while it isn't bad, isn't that good either...IT'S THE CITY FOR GOD'S SAKE! We hang up but then she calls me back because mother just had one of her choking spells and scared the crap out of the therapist! WHAT? The therapist was scared by my mother? What kind of freakin therapist is scared by an old woman choking? So she frantically talks to me about my mother needing to have someone check in on her - that we should utilize the wellness center next door to the building mom lives in - $8.00 for 15 minutes for someone to check in on my mother a couple of times a day didn't seem bad to me...so I called them and set it up. I can't take this drama anymore! I call - I talk to a very nice woman. We set it up. Mother will be visited each day - twice a day - 15 minutes each time. Will she have a dramatic coughing spell during each 15 minute visit - SHE BETTER! We're not paying $16.00 a day for nothin lady! I called mother - told her what is going to happen and she of course, balked at it.

"That's $16.00 a day"

"yes, I know - and you're paying for it"

"Medicare won't pay for it"

"I know - you are until this clears up"

"There's no guarantee I"ll have a coughing fit when they are here."

"you're right - but at least they can check in on you and listen to your chest or something. They are going to bill me and I'll pay for them out of your account."

"I can write the checks"

"yes, I know - but I'm going to write the checks."

"but I don't want this forever, it will get expensive"

"your other choice is that I call the Dr. and you go live somewhere where someone checks on you all the time"

"well I'm not going to do that."

"then we're going to do this for a while until this is all cleared out and you aren't scaring your therapist with your coughing / choking spells. She was scared mom"

"I know she was scared"

"I'll call you later."

Oh - and her phone and internet doesn't work either.

You know, if I was at work - I couldn't have these extensive conversations with my mother. I couldn't be creating stories that my girls and I will talk and laugh about at Christmas, but I am having these conversations with my mother - because I'm unemployed and available.

I love her - but God this is annoying...

Exhausting!

When the time comes for you to be unemployed, you dream about all of the things that you want to accomplish that you didn't have time for when you were working. 

Remember when you were so stressed out with the daily grind that all you could hope for was a really long vacation so that you could recover from the stress and then come back to work refocused and refreshed? Yeah, well - after about two weeks of being unemployed, you realize that you haven't done ANY of those things that you said you were going to and you excuse it away by saying things like..."well, I need time to get over losing my job. Once I get past the emotional part of this, THEN I'll start all of those things." 

"I have time now - so I'll do a little bit at a time."

"My mother has been sick and I got sick so now I have to recover from being sick - then I can do that stuff I said I would...do."

I'm exhausted just reading all that crap. Making all of those excuses is exhausting. Sleeping in is getting exhausting. Checking Facebook every hour is exhausting because all of your friends know you are home so they are challenging you to Word Twist and Scramble more often. It's exhausting keeping up with all those challenges. 

Okay, I'm exhausted now by this blog. See, being unemployed is exhausting. I cannot WAIT to see what tomorrow brings.